There is a sadness that lines the pocket of my soul and it's okay to feel it all the way.
I cannot pretend that I am not affected by what is happening around me. But, I must allow myself to feel what I feel and then let it go on its way. Occasionally, as I am go through my day, I feel a heaviness. Perhaps I am grieving for the world. My heart is aware of the number of folks who have died...alone, without their family. Yeah, that's hard. I think that would be hard.
I started the day drinking coffee, writing my blog, and chatting with my mom. Then we watched the news and yelled at the television because of certain people who possess cray-cray behaviors. Then I wrote a few posts on Facebook which caused a bit of a ruckus for those who do not hold my political views, and that is okay, too. I try not to post too many political things, but sometimes I can't help myself.
Had a family discussion on how we'll keep each other germ free, considering my niece and nephew are still at their ESSENTIAL jobs and my mom is 85. Everyone is washing their hands when they enter the house. We have a spray bottle filled with some bleach - diluted with water. We wash the door nobs with it and every handle that the OUTSIDERS (my niece and nephew) touch.
Once again, I had no real direction for the day. My mom and I talked over breakfast, discussing going to the grocery store, and deciding I should be the one to go because she is 85, unless we go from 6am - 7am which is the time allotted for the Wisdom Keepers of our society to shop for their sustenance. Mom decided she was not getting up that early.
When I was a little girl, every Sunday my parents would take my brothers and I on a Sunday drive. It could involve going to a lake, going hiking, getting ice cream, or maybe going to an amusement park. It was pretty much every Sunday. So today, Mom and I went for a Sunday drive. We drove out to Argyle, Texas where we used to live and saw how the city is moving to the country. Where there was once open land, there are now more housing developments than we could count. New drug stores, new gas stations new Feed Stores, new everything. The most striking thing amidst all of the newness - emptiness. Empty streets, empty parking lots, empty malls, and empty town centers. Not the Sunday drive I remember as a little girl.
But, all was not lost.
It was also "Texas beautiful' - very green - ranches with horses grazing - miniature horses, cows, goats, baby chicks. Spring is when there is new life in the animal kingdom. It used to be my most favorite time of year when I lived in Texas. I would giggle when I would drive past a ranch where there were new born billy goats frolicking around like toddlers, giddy with new life. It is quite the sight. In our old neighborhood in Argyle, I would always see a family of chics following their mother down some sidewalk, or crossing a street where all the humans would stop to let them pass by - one right behind the other like army soldiers in boot camp.
Today, the sun was out. People were driving slower and best of all at the last minute, we did a 'drive by' - that's right, I called a friend and said I am driving up to your house right now. I did just that. I got out of the car and we met on her lawn and talked to each other, of course 6 feet away. We wanted to hug each other. Mostly, because we are good friends and hadn't seen each other in a while, but more so because of the times in which we are living. My friend said, it feels so weird not reach out and hug each other. She was right. But there was a different kind of touching that was going on. My heart was tickled, literally. I felt a sensation arise in me of an unbounded joy, delight, fondness for my friend and her guy, and her daughter who were also out on the lawn. I could really see her love for me more clearly from that distance and also feel it. I could see it in her eyes. The entire transaction was a new one for all of us. It was awkward at first. We weren't sure how to act, but we surely figured it out. It was strangely beautiful. Thank you Colleen, Alanna, and Alan. My cup runneth over.
Days in quarantine are really not that bad. I like and love my family. But, what if you don't like who you are quarantined with, it could get tricky. LOL. Perhaps a healing will take place?
Anyway, these are just my ramblings. This virus is causing us to change, to see the world differently, to see each other differently, to act in a way we never imagined. Perhaps to use other senses more acutely. I thought I was just a singer and a writer, but I can cook as well and it was the first discovery I made at the onset of the quarantine. I have been looking up recipes on the internet and cooking them. It feels good to cook for other people, especially if they enjoy it and the food makes them smile. It makes me smile as well.
It has been a long day as I am still recovering from my twelve hour drive, yesterday.
I leave you with this thought - 9 months from now there will be lots of new babies (yah), but there will be folks who will have set a partner free that they should have set free a long long time ago. It may sound like a bummer of a way to end this blog, but it all depends on how you look at it. Right?
Apocalypse/Transformation? Both, or which, or both and?
"Come on people now, smile on your brother. Everybody get together and try to love one another right now" - The Youngbloods